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Summer heat
In our changeable, unpredictable, never-wholly-satisfying climate, we often spend huge chunks of the year praying for clement, dry weather. We long for barbecue summers and reliably blazing Saturday afternoons, ideal for picnics in the park. But what happens when - as in recent days - we finally get a heatwave? Well, in London, we practically wilt on the spot, cursing the unforgiving sun and longing to be drenched in rain and tossed about in the wind. Perhaps it’s something about the British temperament, always to long for whatever is being withheld. But whether we like it or not, hot days are here. Of course, in an office with no air-conditioning, this can be unmitigated hell. You can feel the heat dulling your brain, making every task feel more Herculean than the last. And at the end of the day, you most certainly need something to boost your flagging spirits. Nothing beats lying down in a temperature controlled room, enjoying gay massage with a qualified Tantric expert. However, it’s worth having a few more tricks up your sleeve for dealing with the heat when it threatens to overpower you. If you travel to work using one of the non-air-conditioned Tube lines (that means all of them except for the Circle and Hammersmith & City, and parts of the District), it’s all the more important to look after yourself. Quite honestly, it would be immoral to transport farm animals in conditions like those found on the Jubilee or Piccadilly Line during summer. And yet TFL happily takes considerably amounts of money from us and then treats us with open contempt. Don’t you feel your pulse quicken and your anger mount, just thinking about it?

To keep your cool during these warmer days, here are some things to consider.

Eat certain foods. Put down the flame-grilled steak lunches and get plenty of watermelon, cucumbers, salads, green vegetables (served al dente and cold) and watercress. All these foods will help you feel calmer and more refreshed.

Drink water. It’s so obvious, it almost seems patronising to point it out, but hydration is everything. Our bodies are roughly 80 per cent water, so let’s keep them that way. And if you’re seriously overheating, then splash some of the water on your wrists and ears. These are both parts of the body that assist with regulating temperature, so you’ll feel the benefit quickly.

Bring a scarf. It’s counter-intuitive because, after all, we tend to think of scarves as something for the cold. But if you’re out in the sun and it’s beating down on your neck, you could seriously start to suffer. A light scarf can protect you and help you stay cool.

Physical therapies and relaxation treatments are another great tool for the summer months, so don’t forget your regular gay massage sessions.